Just over a month ago, our family was plunged into the depths of tragedy and grief when my nephew drowned at a friend’s house. Zade, a three year old identical twin, found his way through a locked gate into a swimming pool after everyone left the water. When he was found, CPR efforts revived his heartbeat and he was quickly transported to the hospital, where we all spent a grueling week praying for healing that never came on this side of eternity.

My wife and I kept Zade’s brothers, Zeke and Brighton, at our house that week with our three kids, who also witnessed the accident. During that week, everyone trudged through unimaginable pain while holding onto what small bits of hope we had. Jenna and I tried to hold it together for the kids. It was during this week that God provided me with Granger Smith’s Like A River through the gift of a relative.

Like a River recounts Granger[1] and his family’s story of losing their three year old, River, to drowning. It is an autobiography of Smith’s grief journey and a display of the powerful work of God in his family’s life. The book helped me tremendously. It directed the beginning of my own grief journey as well as equipped me to minister to the rest of my family, including Zade’s parents.

After reading both the audio and print editions and sharing the book with several others, I want to take the time to outline some of what I learned from the book. Aside from the helpful aspects of being able to identify with similar trauma and grief, Like a River taught me specific lessons about pain, loss, and the God who provides all that we need to persevere through them. Here is what I learned.

1. Loss happens to everyone.

When tragedy strikes, it is tempting to believe that you are the only one enduring this kind of pain. Perhaps you know that on a planet of eight billion people some might have experienced what you are experiencing, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

Like a River reminded me that loss happens to everyone. Our nuanced experience contained several details that made it even more heart-wrenching. But as I read Smith’s story, I was struck by how similar our experiences were. Someone else had walked through what we and our extended family were going through. Someone else had watched every ounce of hope fade away as they spent another day looking at a beautiful, albeit lifeless three-year old body in the hospital room. Someone else watched a three year old save lives through the gift of organ donation. Someone else had a custom-wrapped casket and watched in disbelief as their beloved toddler was lowered into the ground.

As I read Like A River, I was comforted by this fact: we were not alone in our experience of loss. We are never alone in loss. It happens to everyone, in some way, shape, or form. That’s a good thing, because we can learn from and help one another as we deal with it. Smith’s book helped me do just that.

2. Loss is a necessary part of life.

Loss happens to everyone because loss is a necessary part of life. Ever since the fall (Genesis 3), creation’s relationship with its Creator has been broken. Suffering, pain, and loss are the inevitable result of the creation’s fractured relationship with its Creator, God. Such suffering affects Christians and non-Christians alike: our world is broken and needs rescuing.

The good news is that our world has been rescued in Christ. Because of His perfect life, sacrificial death, and resurrection, He has restored us to God and repaired the broken relationship that led to the brokenness all around us, and one day He will restore all things. We call this “living in the already but not yet.” In other words, Christ has already defeated sin and death forever, but He has not yet restored all things. So we still live in a world filled full of suffering, where loss is a necessary part of life.

3. Pain and loss are never meaningless for the Christian.

But just because loss is a necessary part of life in a post-fall world, that doesn’t mean that it is trivial or meaningless. In fact, loss is never meaningless for God’s people. Loss can teach us where and how to find joy and peace in life. Smith illustrates this point by referencing a “purposely strong connection between joy and suffering” in the Bible.[2] Jesus promises suffering, but also invites us to have joy in our suffering. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Smith writes, “When we are finally redeemed from this broken world and join the ranks in heaven, we will spend the rest of forever, literal eternity, in awe of God for delivering us from all heartache and pain. Living with struggles today gives us another reason to worship God- the One who came to take away the sting of those struggles- because we know they are not the final word. And when we do look to Him, we experience joy. That’s how we’re designed.”[3]

Pain and loss drive us to the only One who can ultimately redeem our suffering. As we look to Him, and look to that day, He strengthens us to find hope in today. Smith’s story embodies this truth. He describes himself as a “dog-tag Christian” who nominally professed Christ. In other words, before River’s death, Smith was a Christian in name only. Naturally, when tragedy struck, he looked to self-help manuals, secular counseling, and substance use to medicate the pain. But he found that none of these things were able to provide lasting peace and hope. Only Christ and His promises could.

Is this too hard to believe- that difficult times can bring about joy in our lives on earth? Smith says no. “Think of your favorite movie,” he says. “Now remove the antagonist. Is it still a good movie? No. If there were no evil, how would we ever see what is good?” Therefore, he argues, “Loss is not only a part of our lives, its also necessary for us to truly understand joy.”[4]

Smith gives two examples from his personal life: the loss of River and the gift of Maverick, the son he and his wife had (miraculously) after they lost River. The loss of River revealed just how precious his life was- how precious all life is, really. But even though his loss was unbearably painful, it also paved the way for unimaginable joy through the gift of his son Maverick.

“The gift of Maverick is just so mind-blowing to me that it overloads my brain just thinking about it. I live in a world now here if I hadn’t lost Riv, then I’d lose Mav, but in order to have Mav, I had to lose Riv.” Maverick stands as a tangible example of one of the many ways that God can bring joy out of pain. Little reminders like this point us toward the redemption of all things, where God will do away with pain and loss forever, wipe every tear from our eyes, and welcome us in to eternal joy. And it will be all the more wonderful given the trials we faced.

4. Grief and joy can beautifully coexist.

Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. Because we live in the already/not yet of Christ’s return, we may spend many hours, days, and weeks in both grief and joy. There’s plenty in this world to bring us grief. There’s also plenty, especially in Christ- to bring us joy. So the joyful should not be afraid of grief, nor the grieving shy away from experiencing joy.

When Smith and his wife become pregnant with their last child, Maverick, he describes the experience of joy in grief. Joy in the blessing of new life. Grief in the wake of losing River. The key to experiencing both is to understand the difference between grief and sadness and joy and happiness.

“We learned that grief and joy can beautifully coexist. I am not saying that you can be sad and happy at the same time; that’s not what I mean. Consider this. Happiness happens to you. It’s something you feel when things are going well. Its temporary. But joy is different. It’s an internal peace, a gift that can never be replaced or taken away, which means it can exist even alongside our deepest sorrow. We were still hurting, but we were also joyful even in our circumstances, and that birthed a hope within us- a hope that wasn’t fruitless.”[5]

In this world, we will have trouble. Trouble that brings genuine grief. But we must also “take heart.” In other words, we must “have joy,” because Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33). We can experience both simultaneously, which is what allows believers to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Grief and joy will mark all of the days of our lives until Christ returns turns all of our momentary grief into eternal joy.

5. God can be glorified through immeasurable loss and pain.

Smith’s story, coupled with my own experience, taught me to ponder this question: Could God be more glorified in our pain and loss than in miraculous demonstrations of His power? What shows people that our God is worthy of worship- when we continue to worship Him in unimaginable suffering? Or if we worship Him only when He “pulls through” for us and gives us what we ask?

Smith recounts wrestling with God, “We prayed for miraculous healing because we believed that God could do that. I still believe that. We prayed that the doctors missed something and that River would wake up from his coma. The thought  occurred to me that because this would be such a high-profile story (Smith is a famous country-music singer), God could get so much glory with a healing that would echo around the world.”[6]

I confess I thought the same once hundreds of people shared Zade’s story and several prayer vigils were held for him. Thousands of people all over the world were praying for him and asking God to bring healing.

Smith describes what happened next as a “glitch in the matrix.” He felt as if God was telling him, “Don’t tell me how I get my glory.” He writes, “all at once it occurred to me that we were asking the wrong prayer. In our time of desperation we were only pleading for our own earthly desires. We never considered God’s will. We were praying for control of our own boat in the immediate turbulence, but we never once asked for harmony with the river’s Source.”[7]

He writes out his prayer, which he describes as the first real prayer of His life. I believe it is a good model for both asking God for what we desire while also surrendering to His will, recognizing that if God desires, He can be more glorified in our pain and loss than He can in our comfort and prosperity,

“God, You alone are in control. You will receive the glory for this, according to Your purpose, not mine. You know my deepest desire- please heal this little boy! But give me strength in this moment to rest in Your plan, even if you don’t perform this miracle. Give me the clarity I need to lead my wife and kids on the journey ahead. Give me the wisdom I need to make this decision for River (when to stop life support). I don’t want it. I’m scared to death of it, but You have willed it, so I’ll trust that you’ll carry me through it. We can’t do this on our own. We need you, God!”[8]

My favorite example of this is the Cross of Jesus Christ. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, He endured the greatest physical and emotional pain and physical suffering possible. He was separated from His Father and bore the judgment of the sins of the world as He took the curse of death upon Himself. Yet in the most suffering possible, God was the most glorified- His love, justice, holiness, mercy, wrath, and grace were on beautiful display in the sacrifice of the Son. Furthermore, if God can take the most unjust, unfair, and painful loss in human history and use it to bring about the greatest gifts in all the world (salvation and redemption), can’t He also do that with the losses we experience in our lives?

6. Peace is found in surrendering to the Sovereign source of our life’s river.

Like a River is filled with river imagery used to the journey of life that Smith and the rest of us are on. At the beginning of the book, he writes, “Like a river, we will encounter storms, debris, shallows, deep, calm, and turbulence. But like a river, regardless of the obstacles, there is always a path downstream. The question is how. What’s a river’s secret? How does it keep moving forward through so much adversity?”[9]

Throughout the book, Smith describes himself as someone attempting to paddle himself upstream on his life’s river. Many of these paddle-attempts are highlighted throughout the book. But Smith finally finds solace not in fighting the river, but surrendering to the Source of the river. He writes,

“If you learn anything from this book, let it be this: ditch your oars and burn the boat. No matter how much mental strength and endurance you think you have, when you meet the waterfall that eventually comes to us all, oars and a boat won’t help you. The only thing you’ll be able to trust is God and His Word, the Bible.”[10]

Smith encourages His readers to surrender to God by surrendering to the truths of His Word. Trying to control the events in our lives is a futile endeavor. “We can’t control the speed or the direction or the obstacles along the way; we can control only how much or how little we surrender to the Source of it. God’s purpose will stand. How quickly we are able to move forward with the ever flowing current depends on when we decide to stop resisting it.”[11]

But we must remember to keep our eyes fixed on eternity as we surrender to God and His plan, because one day we will no longer be on the river, but will be in the presence of the River’s source. And all the pain and loss we’ve experienced on our rivers will be more than worth it once we are with Him. I will allow Smith to close with one of my favorite sections of the book,

“Nothing lasts forever, but that’s exactly what makes life so beautiful, so meaningful. In fact, nothing matters at all until we finally realize that all things are temporary on this earth. When we understand that, we see these things for exactly what they are- small glimpses of the greatest gift: an eternal dwelling in the presence of the river’s Source. If His gifts are so good, and it hurts so much to miss them, what would it be like to meet the Giver of these gifts? I can’t even imagine.”[12]

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.” (Psalm 46:4-5)

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[1] Granger was a popular country music artist at the time.

[2] Granger Smith, Like a River: Finding the Faith and Strength to Move Forward after Loss and Heartache, (Nashville, TN: W Publishing, 2023), 168.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid., 169.

[5] Ibid., 158.

[6] Ibid., 127.

[7] Ibid.

[8] Ibid., 127-128.

[9] Ibid., 16.

[10] Ibid., 173.

[11] Ibid, 172.

[12] Ibid., 167.