My last post considered the admonition for us to put off the grave clothes that adorned our old life and put on the grace clothes that befit our new life in Christ. In this week’s passage, Colossians 3:18-4:1, Paul continues the theme of Christian living in light of the theology and doctrine presented in the first two chapters. Specifically, he addresses two areas of the Christian life that provide the foundation for society as a whole: family and work. Here’s the text:

¹⁸ Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. ²⁰ Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ²¹Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. ²² Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. ²³ Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. ²⁵ For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. 4¹Masters, treat your bondservantsjustly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven (Colossians 3:18-4:1 ESV).

The Household

This section begins with instructions for wives and husbands. I believe Paul mentions marriage first because it is the foundation of the family, and therefore, of society. A husband and wife cannot obey the following verses regarding raising children if they are not pursuing a godly marriage. So, what does a godly marriage look like?

First, in a godly marriage, wives submit to their husbands (v. 18). Paul says that such submission is “fitting in the Lord.” The verb used here is in the middle voice, calling wives to willingly submit themselves under their husbands’ leadership.  In other words, they don’t try to usurp his role as the leader of the home. They don’t try to override the decisions he makes. They don’t disparage his leadership behind his back. Instead, they choose to follow his leadership as he follows Christ.

Such submission glorifies God because it exemplifies the Son’s submission to the Father. Though they are equal in deity and unified as one God, the Son submitted himself to his Father and his Father’s will. In 1 Corinthians 15, we see the Father putting all things in submission to his Son, but we also see the Son in submission to the Father. Jesus himself spoke of his submission in places like John 6:38, “For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.”

A godly wife is one who recognizes that God calls her husband to lead her and be her “head” (Eph 5:23), and who encourages him in this role. She loves him, prays for him, and as he follows Christ, she follows him.

What does this look like in real life? Suppose a husband and wife move to a new city for work. They attend different churches and settle on two of their favorites. However, the church the husband believes is the best fit for the family is not the same church the wife thinks is the best fit. After much prayer and conversation, if they cannot come to the same conclusion, the wife should trust the leadership of her husband, follow him (willingly, not begrudgingly), and trust God with the results.

Second, in a godly marriage, husbands love their wives. Notice that husbands are not called to enforce the submission discussed in 3:18. They are not called to lord their authority over their wives; they are called to love their wives. In a parallel passage, Paul tells husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” (Eph 5:25-27).

The husband’s role is to sacrifice himself for the highest good of his wife- her sanctification. He loves her by putting her first, caring for her spiritual needs, and providing for her emotionally and physically. This kind of love is a choice- it is not a feeling. It does not come natural to husbands, nor was it natural in the Colossians’ day. It is daily work. It is the conscious dying to self for the good of another, and repenting of selfishness when it creeps in.

Husbands, do you love your wives? Do you prioritize her spiritual health? Do you pray for her? Do you pray with her? Do you wash her with the word? Let me encourage you- find a place to start! Look for small ways to serve her. Let her hear you pray over her in the mornings or evenings. Be the one to begin spiritual conversations. Love your wife by leading your wife!

In this context of a godly marriage, children are to obey their parents (3:20). Their response to their God-given authority is their response to God. If they rebel against their parents, they are rebelling against God. Parents should not expect perfection, but they should discipline their children towards respect and obedience.

It is important to note, however, that parents are not given the freedom to parent however they see fit. Paul tells Fathers to not “provoke their children.” This command is for both parents, but the Father bears the responsibility. Fathers are to see to it that their children are raised in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). If they fail, they provoke their children to anger, discouragement, and disappointment with life.

Right now, my kids are 6, 4, and almost 2. My wife and I are not perfect, but we try to follow the Deuteronomy 6:1-9 example of talking about God, the gospel, and the Christian life throughout the day. We pray together mornings and evenings, read children’s Bibles, retell Bible stories, and practice repentance and forgiveness. Its often overwhelming to think through the task of discipling your children. You don’t have to figure it out overnight. Start by attending church together and reading a children’s Bible every evening (click here for my top three!).

The Workplace

Next, Paul moves from our relationships at home to our relationship with work. This includes parents who work inside the home as well. In fact, Paul extends his commands to “whatever you do” and tells the Colossians to “work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (3:23). Why? Because “from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward” (3:24). Whatever we do, whether cleaning streets, designing buildings, raising children, or preaching sermons, we should do it out of love for God. We should do it with excellence and diligence. Whatever we do, we should do it knowing that we are serving our Lord (3:24), and that in some way, he will reward us!

This means that we don’t work primarily for a paycheck or our employer’s approval. It means that we do our best as if Jesus is our direct boss, because he is! In this same vein, Paul reminds those in authority to treat those below them with impartiality, justice, and fairness (3:25-4:1). No authority is given to anyone unless God grants it, Jesus told Pilate in John 19:11. A Christian leader must be humble and fair, recognizing that he too sits under the lordship of Christ just like those who work for him do. There is no partiality with him (Rom 2:11).

Conclusion

We don’t live out our faith on Sunday mornings. We live it out in our homes and our places of work. That’s where the rubber meats the road. Anyone can pretend and sit in a pew for an hour and a half, but Paul calls the Colossians, and us, to live out the new life we have in Christ in every aspect of our life, especially the most foundational ones- our family and our work. As we do, we serve the Lord Christ, glorify him, and build his kingdom!